It has been said that if you can get through this life with one REAL friend, you are rich beyond measure. I would agree with this. Are these people friends or are they more wannabe friends? Are they in your life because they truly love you or do they want something? What do they gain by being your friend? More importantly, what do you gain by being their’s? Do we call them friends because we want it to be so or are they really a bonafide, would do anything for you at any hour of the day or night no matter the issue or request, cry with you while laughing at wild antics, seeing through any problem and never judging and take your secrets to the grave kind of friend? I just don’t know. Social networking has skewed all of this. I have always tried to be a real friend to people. I never have an agenda. I never say one thing and mean another. I have noticed that some people who claim to be friends really aren’t. It hurts. Sometimes a person’s political views can push people away (this has happened to me) and to them you should say good riddance. If politics overtakes “real” friendship, they were never needed in your life in the first place.
It’s sad when a person plays mind games under the guise of friendship. I have noticed this all around me recently which prompted this post. I have watched friends be torn apart inside by so-called-friends. I don’t understand how people can proclaim to be another’s friend when they so obviously aren’t. I can spot it a mile away and not much else can turn me off so quickly. I have pulled away from people over my 46 years because their agenda is so darned obvious and I am sure you have, too. It’s no fun to be played like a fiddle!
So, what does friend mean to you? To me it means one who has your back, one who loves you no matter what, one who defends you, comes to your aid, one who listens with nothing to gain just because you need to talk. A real friend has no agenda. They don’t look you in the eye and say one thing and then go behind your back and say another. They don’t ignore you and cast you aside and then act shocked when you are hurt by it. Friends never think of themselves first but put you first. If someone in your life proclaims to be your friend, gauge their treatment of you. If you are wronged, you need to ask yourself if this really was a friendship or was it a wannabe friendship? Don’t set yourself up for the hurt.
Life is short. Cull your real friends. Make the rest earn their YOU time. Value you and choose to stop the nonsense with so-called-friends. This applies to family, too. Blood is thicker than water but I fully believe that family can blow it, too. You don’t have to lie down and be a doormat for anyone.
What does the word FRIEND mean to you? I would love to know…
Your friends are those you share your life with–your most soul-bearing moments and those in between. And despite the fears you have about sharing everything about yourself–be it your trivial day, your greatest joys, your deepest secrets, or your greatest despair–you know you can share them with your friend. You do it without thought because you know your friend is there for you and you are there for them. You know they will love you despite yourself, despite your fears and insecurities, despite your shortcomings, and despite what they bring to the relationship you have with them. You know you will pick up where you left off, as if the world has connected you to always pick up where you last left off. Friends often pick each other up, and somehow, we know when it’s our time to carry the weight. At other times, we know when we need our friends to carry us. With my closest friends, I do not hesitate to express those intimate life moments–the ugly, the joy, all that makes us feel how human we are, and all that comes with feeling how little we are in this world. I connect with my closest friends with the knowledge that all the moments of this world we share, we share with the love we have in our hearts. I count myself fortunate that at every stage of my life, I have known the love of special friends who will be forever the reason I have gratitude in all of my waking moments.
Absolutely! I can tell you are a special friend with a good heart! Real friends are just as you say here. No matter how dirty the window, you can look through and still see a good view
Thank you so much for this. It touched me.
You said it just right, Ginny!
Thanks, Sonya.
Where to start? Trust. In this day of social media we allow varying degrees of trust to be made. While some friends are long term and have been a part of your life for years and you see them regularly, others you may only see rarely over a long period of time but they are no less of a friend. There are different definitions of the word as well. Some speak of their best friend being someone that you can rely on to come to your rescue. The problem is if you are always rescuing someone or in need of rescue is that a healthy relationship or just dependency caused by poor decisions? Being able to share thoughts, feelings, and secrets? Useful yes but you can do that with a pet with less chance of your dark secrets becoming common knowledge. I have heard people say that “we know too much about each other, we have to stay friends” is that friendship or mutual blackmail? Yes I realize that this all sounds rather cynical but bear with me. A friend combines the best of all this and minimizes the bad parts. Not eliminates, because not only does that require perfection but would make the rest of us feel unable to measure up, but minimized. Finding one person that can see past your foibles and like you anyway is hard. Finding more than one is a mazeltov!
You know, when I think of the word “friend,” I feel that its synonyms are “respect,” “loyalty,” and “honesty.” No, friends don’t have to have carbon copies of each others’ thoughts or ideas, but that’s where the “respect” comes in – there is a way to respectfully discuss differences and understand them.
And the honesty and loyalty? Well those are obviously just part of the backbone of friendship. And like Ginny says, you always know you’ll pick up where you left off and have someone there to hold your hand (or help carry the weight as Ginny puts it) when needed.
I just trust that gut feeling – you just *know* when you’ve got a sincere gem of a friend who’ll always be there for you (and vice versa).